VIDEO
On Depersonalization— Often, I feel detached from my sense of self—my world feels unreal, dream-like, in a haze. I sometimes feel like I am watching myself, from out of my own body.
For years it was difficult to understand what was happening to me. I was afraid of never being able to experience my own life again, and take control of my own sensations.
Within this film, I wanted to depict these detached sensations and visually immerse people in my own experiences with this condition.
DEPERSONALIZATION
SECRET DOCUMENTARIST
On The Secret Documentarist— Making work about my family has always been quite difficult for me. My grandfather was often the voice of reason, the neutral contender, the rational. After he passed, everything started to feel unstable and distant.
My grandfather was a simple person. He ate the same breakfast every morning, woke up at 6am, filled out the crossword puzzle in the same paper, wore the same combination of clothing—his favorite ice cream was vanilla and he only liked his coffee black.
The way I knew my grandfather was through his simplicity. His films have shown me a new person—one that was not so simple. Without any awareness he was documenting my family for eighteen years, I am now getting to see his, perhaps, accidental artistry. I used to think we were very different people, but I am finding we are more alike than I thought. Maybe this project is not just about our relationship documenting our lives, but is me re-learning who my grandfather was.
The Secret Documentarist is a video project exploring my grandfather’s nearly 30 year archive of home videos along with my own videos, sometimes using his old cameras. By piecing together our work I draw more connections between us. I am yearning to experience these discoveries with him, but I know a piece of him remains in all my work.
LESBIANS OF NEW YORK CITY
On Lesbians of NYC— This project is inspired by my own relationship to the word lesbian. I always knew I was a lesbian, but struggled to come to terms with it. I first came out as bisexual, but after my first relationship with a woman, I realized my whole life had been a constructed value of male validation. Growing up, I had a singular, linear idea of what a lesbian looked like, and it wasn’t me.
As a photographer and a lesbian, I wanted to document the lesbian experience from individual voices; to show that lesbianism is not a porn category or a male fantasy, but a beautiful, special experience. I hope to exhibit that lesbians don’t need to look a certain way— that we can exist in whatever form we chose. I have found, that more and more people see lesbians, but view lesbianism as “hard,” as “bad,” as “dirty.” But, to me, lesbianism has never been “bad, ” it has been the exact opposite—a liberation to myself.
Lesbians of New York City is a compilation of portraits and video interviews of lesbians living in New York City as means of humanizing our experience—to exhibit the joy, love, and liberation that comes with lesbianism. Each individual will be presented with a series of the same questions, inquiring their notions of being a lesbian and how it relates to gender, their childhood, dating life, etc. While the project is heavily documentary based, I am not inclined to keep to the strict boundaries of documentary, as lesbianism is not a boundary, but a freedom. I want to make the images and videos visually aesthetic while keeping the word of the sitter. Each photo of the individual will include an overlay of a statement in their own handwriting, answering the question “what makes you happy?” I leave this question for each individual to capture their humanness and personality. My project is not only a social commentary and a means to my own exploration of lesbianism, but also as a means of healing; to reside the dirty feeling of the word and find beauty in it.